that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The air was thick with penises
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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