So drunk its hurt
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
