yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
