Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
