I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
