they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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