she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
