when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
