6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
