ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
