I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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