It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
