I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
