My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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