Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
