It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
