Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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