I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
