Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize