If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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