Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize