I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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