everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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