I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
