I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
