i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
