O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
