just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
