the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
