i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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