I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
