a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We got so high we made milksteak
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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