so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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