drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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