I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
