I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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