I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found puke in my bra..
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
