quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's rum buckets o'clock
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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