She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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