Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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