Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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