hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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