I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
