eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
