meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
