my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
