if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
