I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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