This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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