I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This baby is an asshole
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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