Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
