Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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