you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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