so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
