i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
