I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize