You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
