You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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