grandma shit on top of the toilet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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