I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
