College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
