she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
