if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
