My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
