my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
