No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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