You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
