I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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