so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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