Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
